Do you struggle to determine your place in a complex world with wizards, witches and muggles? Are you wondering if your Hogwarts letter simply got lost in the mail? Here are 20 signs you are definitively a muggle, though hopefully not a Dursley sort of muggle.

  1. You commuted to work today in a car. Not because you wanted to or found it charming but because that's what people do.
  2. You wouldn't be caught dead carrying a stick around in your pocket.
  3. The only robe you own is made of terry cloth.
  4. If you heard the word "accio" you'd probably say "gesundheit" or possibly “bless you.”
  5. Squib sounds like something you might order at a sushi restaurant.
  6. You've never eaten earwax-flavored candy.
  7. Butter and beer do not belong together.
  8. Your teachers are present for class regardless of the moon phase.
  9. You've never had a conversation with a portrait.
  10. Broomsticks are for sweeping.
  11. If a hat starts talking to you, it's a sign that something's seriously wrong and a visit to a neurologist might be in order.
  12. Your history class failed to mention anything about the goblin rebellions of the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries.
  13. Letters are delivered by humans who work for the U.S. postal service.
  14. Your school had a basement but no dungeon.
  15. You've never been attacked by a plant, textbook or other school lesson.
  16. Jousting with tables is impossible.
  17. Handbags have spatial limits.
  18. It would never occur to you to step into a toilet and pull the handle.
  19. Walking into a wall seems like a good way to get a concussion.
  20. Magical elves don't do your house work.